Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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