New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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