dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
