my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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