I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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