I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
two words...techno handjob
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
