In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
