The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
