I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
