His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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