we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You are a genius and a whore.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
