Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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