i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
