your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
