Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
