where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
