i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
