Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Bring me that man meat
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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