remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Are these your boobs on my camera?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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