If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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