they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
