seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
