i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
