reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
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