Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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