Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
