I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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