Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
