At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize