im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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