I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
