i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
