I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
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i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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