i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
