dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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