Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
