I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
