Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
