you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
