Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
