dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
