Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
