We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
it glows. i had to have it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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