Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
