i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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