how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
