i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
