Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
COCAINE IS GR8
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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