i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
