my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
