i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
