I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
