I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
