he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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