I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize