Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
