And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
