You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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