your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
