i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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