I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
