it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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